Zift Digital Parent Guide

Parenting the Digital Generation 1

Table Of Contents Intro pg 4 Chapter 1: Age 0-8 pg 8 Chapter 2: Age 9-12 pg 20 Chapter 3: Age 13+ pg 31 Chapter 4: Parent Checklist pg 39 Other Resources pg 41 2

Today’s kids are Super-Connected. They’re more savvy with tablets, phones and computers and they’re more responsive to the media machine and ever-growing technological presence. Every facet of their lives has a screen, a link to the global world, a chance to be exposed to phenomenally wonderful insights – and, also things we wish they’d never have to face: hate, fear, prejudice, violence, pornog- raphy and inappropriate or dangerous content. It’s our jobs as parents and caregivers to teach them how to handle navigate in the digital world. This digital parenting guide is meant to provide you with a little insight and training – a little ammunition – to face the challenges of parenting the digital generation. 3

intro | Talking To Your Child, Tween Or Teen Today is darkened with the blessing and the curse of the internet—so much material, both helpful and dangerous, at our 昀椀ngertips. Here are age-sensitive approaches to managing these di昀케cult and treacherous conversations: How are our children to navigate this new age? Your Accessible Child (0-8) This is your child, under 10, newly interested in those fun video games, your cell phone and Uncle Je昀昀’s online gaming system. It’s all magical, educational, and addictive! This is the time that both of you need to learn how to set boundaries. Both of you can get accustomed to setting limits for time, content, and accessibility while your child is still little—and still likes you! Your Self-Conscious Child (9-12) Your child became a “tween” somewhere between 10 and 12 years old, crossing into a sea of hormones, self-consciousness and impulsive decision making often guided by similarly-minded friends. And this is also about the time that many kids get their 昀椀rst smart phone. O昀昀 to middle school, they believe they are mature, all the while straddling the relative safety of childhood and the risks and adventures that come with adolescence. Unfortunately, tweens often end up connecting with those who take advantage of their need for atten- tion. It is common for kids in this age group to retreat a bit from their parents into their “private space,” making it hard for parents to accurately assess their friendships, their cyber use, and their mood. Par- ents struggle with the question, “Is this just a passing phase – or something more serious?” Your Private Child (13+) Tweens develop a certain bravado they day they turn into a teen. They are more tight-lipped about their feelings, school work and friends. A simple question like “How was your day?” can turn into eye-rolling and a “Don’t worry about it” response. Timing is everything. Understand that they have a virtual world and internet friends that they connect with. See if they will let you play one of their online games with them. If they likely turn you down, at least you showed some interest in their world. Their invincibility leads them to taking bigger risks, sharing too much, and saying things about others that just shouldn’t be said in a public forum. These boundaries and manners are important to rein- force and model. You might need to think twice before posting your own questionable photos, check- ins and embarrassing pictures of your kids! Teach respect, safety and etiquette. 4

A Helpful Roadmap To Navigate The Mine Fields Of Social Media SOCIAL MEDIA CAN MAKE PRIVATE THINGS PUBLIC: We work hard as parents to help our kids un- derstand that privacy is important. Keep the door shut when you’re using the bathroom; knock before you walk in someone’s bedroom; don’t ask the lady at the supermarket why she uses a cane. But we also need to teach our children the boundaries for privacy in the digital world. Passwords that are kept PRIVATE are helpful to keep children safe—just like a key to their front door. Say to your child, “I heard some say people shouldn’t post anything on social media they don’t want an enemy or a stranger to see or to know; what do you think about that?” STAYING SAFE IS NORMAL: Treat social media safeguards as you would any other safety device—seatbelts in the car, locking the front door at home, wearing helmets while riding bikes, being careful of strangers. Putting safeguards on their game systems and phones (if they have them) is a good idea for everyone to do—even parents. Choose safeguards as a family for all devices—including your own. Including your child in this larger conversation makes them part of the family safety rather than feeling like the victim of a limit they do not understand. Ask your child, “What kinds of safeguards do you think we each should put on our devices?” FIRST THINGS FIRST: Ice cream for dinner and vegetables for des- sert may sound like heaven but for many of us, over time, it will lead to sour stomachs and poor nutrition. Such is the case with “screen time.” Too much screen time robs children of playing with friends face to face, limits their learning to col- laborate on a project or a game and replaces exploring the outdoors. Help your family balance screen time and place it properly in your family’s day. Rather than nagging your child to “turn it o昀昀 NOW,” try asking “how much more time do you feel you need before you get to your homework?” Letting them be part of this decision and helping them learn to take responsibility is important. 5

A Helpful Roadmap To Navigate The Mine Fields Of Social Media CREATE BOUNDARIES AND LIMITS: It’s painful to see a couple on a date who are both on their individual cell phones or a mother strolling her baby choosing to talk at length to a friend on the phone while ignoring the coos and excitement of her baby. The internet becomes an intruder, quietly demanding attention with a chirp or a ping. PASSWORDS: These pesky strings of upper and lower case letters, numbers and special characters drive most of us crazy—whether we have too many of them, forget them, or are trying to 昀椀gure out the key to our child’s devices. Unlike adults who might try and write them down in a rea- sonable spot, kids keep changing them to keep adults out of their business. It is OK to make a deal—“You can use the internet if I have your password.” “In order to have the privilege of using your phone, I need the password.” Here is where we need to be honorable—snooping just to snoop is not honorable. Checking up on our kids because we are concerned about their safety is called parenting. ESTABLISH A VILLAGE: Parents learn a lot from other parents. Inviting YOUR peers to be part of your village is a good idea. Some parents have “intel” on what parties are going on, what kids are likely causing trouble, who might be emotionally struggling and needs help. Most kids don’t want their par- ents “following” them on social media. Howev- er, they might invite cousins, aunts, neighbors, coaches, or youth leaders to follow them (and vice versa) because this is the way our kids keep up with what’s going on. Rely on your village to be watchful and keep you informed when some- thing concerning seems to be going on. 6

intro | How To Be A Good Digital Parent Good parents have their child’s well-being at heart. A good digital parent is informed and under- standing of the unique challenges their kid’s generation is facing. By combining the two, you’re able to bring parenting into the digital generation. Here are a few tips to help you along the way: Be patient. You’re not going to know everything and that’s okay. Learn. Understanding the digital world means knowing where your kids are spending time. Scroll through Facebook, download Snapchat, start your own Twitter account. Lay down ground rules. Be clear about your expectations. Learn their lingo. But, please, don’t try to speak it. Designate safe spaces. Create device-free areas in the house – like bedrooms – to minimize distractions. Designate shared spaces. Keeping computers in public areas increase the safety factor of online viewing. Unplug at the dinner table. Family dinners are the perfect time to unplug & focus on bonding. Practice what you preach. Follow these rules too – kids will lose trust if you break them. 7

Among 0-8 year-olds, 27% of all screen time is spent with digital devices. 38% of children have used one of these newer mobile devices, including 10% of 0-1 year-olds, 39% of 2-4 year-olds, and 52% of 5- 8 year-olds. Chapter I Child: Ages 0-8 https://www.commonsensemedia.org/zero-to-eight-2013-infographic https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/zero-to-eight-childrens-media-use-in-america/key-昀椀nding-1%3A-young-children-use-digital-media-frequently 8

chapter 1.1 Infants To Toddlers In today’s digital age, screen exposure is not only increasing in children, it’s being intro- duced earlier than ever. Babies and toddlers are watching an average of two hours of television per day; a full hour more than the AAP’s recommendation for this age. PG Only Researchers are no longer concerned so much about what the content is that children under two are consuming, they’re focusing on who those toddlers are viewing content with. Without an adult guiding them, research indicates that screen time poses no bene昀椀ts for children under the age of two. Remember, at this age, children are learning through exploring with their senses, so there must be a physical element paired with that of the virtual. If your child is playing a language acquisition game, repeat the words for your child -- they’re more likely to retain them; if it’s a game, demonstrate how to play that game for them, instead of a computer-generated demo. TIME LIMIT We know there are bene昀椀ts to introducing toddlers to screen time, and we know that time needs to be accompanied by an adult, but how much screen time should your toddler get? In a nutshell, screen time for toddlers under two years of age may not be not a terrible thing; just make sure you’re accompanying your little one and limiting the amount of time spent with interactive media. DIGITAL BENEFITS The fact that the AAP changed its recommendation for children under two years of age is indicative of the bene昀椀ts of technology exposure at a young age. The AAP is very speci昀椀c in naming Sesame Workshop and PBS educational programs as the two sources they recommend for ed- The American Academy of Pediatricians ucational television and apps, both of which o昀昀er a plethora of educational (AAP) reports that in 1970, children programming for children under two. began regular television consumption Language acquisition and develop- at 4 years old, whereas today, the age ment is crucial to this stage, which can of 昀椀rst exposure to digital media is 4 be aided with exposure to educational months of age. • apps and television. However, studies have shown that there is no real bene- TIP: The AAP’s recommended screen time 昀椀t to screen time at this age unless an limit for children under two is one hour, adult is accompanying a child while but you should really be breaking that watching or playing. hour into two 30-minute sittings. 9

chapter 1.2 What’s All The Fuss About Filters? Much like walking into an all-you-can-eat bu昀昀et, the Advantages Of Dynamic Internet o昀昀ers unlimited and unrestricted access to any- Content Filtering thing and everything 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Filtering is a crucial tool to use, especially for this young- It’s possible to 昀椀lter just what you er age group. Children as young as two years old are want, whether by blocking an entire picking up tablets or mommy’s phone and learning how page of just blocking out assigned to recognize shapes and sounds. Without 昀椀ltering, they’d words. User-generated content will be able to see anything that might pop up on the screen, 昀椀lter properly, even social media some of which may not be appropriate for their eyes. sites. Using 昀椀ltering, you’re able to: Dynamic content 昀椀ltering is smart Control what content comes into your home enough to determine the context of · Keep children from accidentally (or intentionally) words/phrases being used. Seman- · running across objectionable websites tic Pattern 昀椀lter scans all content Have peace of mind, knowing your family can and metadata in real time. · enjoy all the good that the Internet has to o昀昀er Be clear about what you 昀椀lter While using technology to babysit is not recommended, through custom algorithms to cat- it is a challenge faced by many modern families. Young egorize or block this content based children are learning everything around them and much on the settings or selections of of that is coming from learning programs on TV or tablet. blocked categories. Each web page is blocked or allowed based on the Note: One important thing to keep in mind, is that 昀椀lters content found within that page at are a handy tool – but they are not a replacement for that exact moment. engaged parenting. Most companies use list 昀椀lters Regardless of the medium used to which block a pre-set list of URLs or web domains. Dynamic content keep your child entertained, the most 昀椀ltering works in real-time at the in昀氀uential person in their learning life page level, rather than blocking is YOU. prest URLs or web sites. Exposure Statistics • 1 in 3 kids reported that they had stumbled across illicit content while sur昀椀ng the web. • 1 in 7 U.S. kids had experienced unwanted sexual solicitation • 33% of parents said they have had concerns or questions over their child’s technology use in the past 12 months • Almost 70% of pre-teens admit to hiding online activities https://www.brookings.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Youth-Internet-Safety_v07.pdf http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/07/16/concerns-about-children-social-media-and-technology-use/ https://www.mcafee.com/us/resources/reports/rp-digital-deception-survey.pdf 10

chapter 1.3 How To Talk To Your Kids About Online Predators According to a recent statistic, one in 昀椀ve U.S. teenagers who regularly log on to the internet says they have received an unwanted sexual solicitation via the web. Solicitations were de昀椀ned as re- quests to engage in sexual activities or sexual talk, or to give out personal sexual information. Only 25% of those told a parent. Remember, it’s never too soon to talk with your kids. Start the conversation - don’t hesitate to talk with your child about online predators. In an · age appropriate manner, explain to them what they are, what their motives are and reinforce they are not to be trusted. Educate about grooming tactics - make sure your child understands the “red 昀氀ags” of · grooming. Talk through examples with them on what things they may hear in an online chat. Some of these things may include: “Let’s chat privately”, “I’d love to meet you. Where do you live?”, “Where do you hang out”, “What do you like to do with your friends?”. These are all tac- tics to gain a young person’s trust and create a vulnerable situation where they may become a victim. Minimize shame - above all else, it is vitally important that your child trusts you and feels they · can turn to you if they feel unsafe or question an online interaction. While explaining the risks, be sure to also reinforce you are there to help them navigate this online world! Monitor online activity - keep the family computer in a neutral space in the house where · everyone can see online behavior. Set screen time limits on the amount of time your child spends on line or in apps. Using parental control software, you can receive alerts about inap- propriate activity on content. Create restrictions for participation in online chat rooms. Where Predators Lurk Stranger Danger It may seem great to be able to stream Netflix through Terms to be on the lookout for: your child’s Xbox, PlayStation or Wii, but that online “Let’s chat privately.” capability could be putting your child in danger. Online games have featured chat rooms for years, but gaming “I’d love to meet you. Where do consoles, with the ability to play both online and off, you live?” create an added security threat for concerned, and often unsuspecting, parents. Predators can also be “Where do you hang out?” found on various messaging apps like: KiK, WhatsApp, Messenger, Snapchat, and Instagram. “What do you like to do with your friends?” 11

chapter 1.4 Your Child’s Developing Brain When it comes to our children, we’re often distracted by our digital counterparts, which can send confusing messages to our kids, but even their relationship with technology messes with the intricate wiring of their brains, in terms of their educational and emotional well-being. While technology has made many of us expert multi-taskers, how much are we missing or losing as a result? Teachers are challenged with grabbing and sustaining students’ attention, a feat made in- creasingly di昀케cult with our digitally-distracted brains. Says Gazzaley, “our tendency of dis- traction is higher than ever before because of technology, because of this unprecedented exposure to information all the time and even the very rapid reward cycle that everyone, espe- cially young people experience in their social lives.” Educational Apps • Apple o昀昀ers 2,067 apps to help children with their homework compared to Google Play’s 924 homework apps • 72% of children under eight and 38% of children younger than two have used a mobile device last year, a 昀椀gure that has doubled in two years, according to a report titled Zero to Eight Children’s Media Use in America released by Common Sense Media. Learning & Brain Stats The early years matter because, in the 昀椀rst few years of life, 700 new neural connections are formed every second. In the 昀椀rst four years of life, the brain increases to 80% of its adult weight. v http://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/昀椀ve-num- bers-to-remember-about-early-childhood-development/ http://www.bbbgeorgia.org/brainTimeEarlyChild.php 12

chapter 1.5 Managing Screen Time There are varying schools of thought on what age Parents who are children should begin interaction with screens & how much screen time is bene昀椀cial or harmful. One of the actively involved in 昀椀rst things to recognize is: What type of media user is their kids’ media your child? Do they spend their time playing video games? Watch- lives help them ing streaming tv shows? Posting on Instagram or consume less of it scrolling through Facebook? The type of platforms and make better they’re using matters. What matters even more is how choices. much time they’re spending on them. Given the American Academy of Pediatrics new guidelines for the appropriate amount of screen time (de昀椀ned as any time spent using digital media for entertainment), these resources are keeping parents and caregivers empowered in the ever-evolving tech landscape. The guidelines suggest: NO screen time for infants aged 18 months and younger · 1 hour of screen time per day for kids ages 2-5 years old · Restricted and monitored screen time for kids 6 years and older · What can we do to e昀昀ectively manage and monitor screen time? In addition to the resources shared above, we can try the following as recommended by the AAP: Create a Family Media Plan · Designate media-free family time together (hint: dinner and car rides are a great place to start) · Identify rooms in the home where media is not permitted · (i.e. dining room, bathrooms, bedrooms) It’s not your imagination -- media use is o昀昀 the charts. Younger kids, ages 昀椀ve to 10-year-olds, average about four-and-a-half hours in front of TV. · Tweens use an average of six hours, not including time spent using media for school or · homework. Tweens average more than four and a half hours of screen media use a day · Teens more than six and a half hours · Teens use an average of nine hours of entertainment media per day · Source: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/tweens-teens-and-screens-what-our-new-research-uncovers Bonus: Create a system in which screen time is earned. Example: 30 minutes of reading or some media-free family activity in exchange for 30 minutes of screen time or 15 minutes using an educational app/game in exchange for 15 minutes of an entertainment app/game or social media. 13

chapter 1.6 Setting Boundaries If you feel overwhelmed managing your child’s 2 screen time you are not alone. – 8 to 12 year olds are averaging nearly Kids spend over 7 hours each day 6 hours a day online. 3 That’s one-half of their time awake. 13 to 18 year olds average 9 hours a day ò Set speci昀椀c times of the day when your child can use the Internet. Example: Allow Internet access between 6 p.m. and 9 p.m. Internet access stops when the schedule doesn’t permit; only a parent can make changes to the time schedule. Punishments & Rewards The concept of “digital grounding” is nothing new. In our day, it was going to bed without our dinner, not being able to see the newest movie with friends or being banned from talking on the phone (land- line, of course). These days, it’s much more of a punishment to remove kids’ access to technology. Consider some of these points before instituting a punishment or reward system in your house. Make it age and If you’ve tied technology time into a reward system for kids, make situationaly apporpriate. sure that the punishment is equal to the o昀昀ense. Realize what you’re Taking away technology is, in essence, cutting them o昀昀 from the taking away. outside world, a form of grounding in the new millennium. Enforce the consequences. When you take away your teen’s cell phone, you’re enforcing conse- quences to their actions, whatever they may be. Motivate and reward. The promise of technology time can be a great motivator, especial- ly for families who allot a very strict or speci昀椀c amount of time on devices daily. 14

chapter 1.7 Video Games & Your Child There are feelings of accomplishment when children play action games, and they are instanta- neously rewarded for their skill and problem solving abilities with points and advancing levels. Playing action games, typically 昀椀rst person shooter games, does a昀昀ect children’s emotional states. Countless studies have illustrated the link between children playing violent video games and an increase of aggressive thoughts and behavior. What alarmist headlines often fail to point out is that the link between aggression and violent video games is typically found in children who play for excessive amounts of time. Moderation Is Key. The negative e昀昀ects of video game play are typically related to ‘excessive’ amounts of time spent playing, so it helps to understand what those limits are. Professionals recommend that children spend no more than one to three hours playing per day. As with anything, moderation and balance are the key to maintaining a healthy interest. Boys’ and girls’ media preferences are very di昀昀erent. Teen boys average 56 minutes a day playing video games, compared to girls’ 7 minutes. Have or have 70% access to game 91% console. Play video games 59% online or on their 84% phone. Girls: Boys: 15

chapter 1.8 Unplugging For those parents who are hoping to curb over-the- Tips To Unplug A top media usage they observe in their children, it’s best to start 昀椀rst with your own technology habits. Below are three things parents should consider. Little Every Day 1. Examine Your Own Behavior Guess what mom and dad? Parents of American tweens and teens average more than nine hours No phones in bed. with screen media with 82% percent of that time is ; devoted to personal screen media. Take comfort in the fact that, though we appear to be hypocrites, we are blissfully unaware of it. & Designate a “shut o昀昀” 78% of parents believe they are good media role time. models for their children. 2. Recognize The Dangers…And Don’t Be Afraid To Focus on people. Act Try following a “no Most parents have reported having a range of me- Uphones at the table” rule dia rules for their tweens and teens. They include: at meals or at other so- 78% of parents do not allow device usage at meal- cial events. · time 63% of parents do not allow device usage at bedtime · 70% of parents reported they must approve of their Take a mini-break. · children’s apps purchases “most of the time” or Try a brief vacation from “always” 9technology by regaining 67% of parents say that monitoring their children’s composure with a quick · media use is more important than respecting their meditation session or a privacy walk outdoors. The next time your child informs you that, “none of their friends have house rules”, you can let them know that most families in fact do have technology Out of sight, out of mind. rules in place. ¾Minimize distractions 3. Accept The Positive Role Of Technology from smartphones by storing them in a drawer, 94% of parents agree that technology positively bag, or in an out of the · supports their children with schoolwork and education way spot. 88% felt that technology helped their kids to learn · a new skill Make it into a game. 89% felt it prepared kids for 21st- century jobs When dining out, stack · 77% of parents agreed that technology increases everyone’s phones face · their children’s exposure to other cultures J 79% said it helps their children develop creativity down on the table. The · 昀椀rst person to check their phone has to pick Source: The Common Sense Census: Plugged in Parents of up the check! Tweens and Teens (2016) 16

chapter 1.9 What I Want My Babysitter To Know Setting social media boundaries for a babysitter is not something most parents think to do. Most don’t even consider the fact that a cell phone would be present when watching your kids, despite the prevalence of smart phones everywhere. Living in the digital age means that you need a social media checklist, in addition to emergency contacts, for your babysitter. Outline Clear Expectations Assume that social media is going to enter the mix, either with your babysitter or your chil- dren while you’re away. Have a discussion with both your sitter and your children before digital media becomes an issue, so your expectations are made clear at the outset. If you’re okay with your child playing on your sitter’s phone, let them know; and inform them if you have content concerns with any games that may be on their phone, too. Explain Just as you will with your children, explain to your babysitter why you’ve established tech rules, and emphasize that those rules are for both them and your children’s safety. Parents often leave a list of contacts and step-by-step guidelines for routine, but neglect to take the time to explain what’s allowed and what’s o昀昀-limits... for both the sitter and their children. These are all items that need to be communicated before you step out the door: Which tech gadgets are your children allowed to use in your absence? · How much time are they allowed to be on them? · Which tech gadgets is your sitter allowed to use (laptop, tablet, game system) · No Photos, Please Are you okay with your babysitter taking photos or videos of your children? If so, discuss what is allowed, and what isn’t, in terms of photographs and videos. If you’re okay with photos of your children being posted on social media, are you okay with your babysitter’s friends knowing that you’re not at home? It’s easier to ask that your sitter refrain from taking photos or videos of your children, no matter how adorable they are, than to check her social media accounts to make sure that everything is set to private. Tip: Remember that photos contain metadata that can indicate the location where the photo was taken, and that your sitter posting about her sitting job lets everyone on her friend list know that she’s at your home without any adults present. 17

We’ve developed a quick and easy tech checklist for you to review with your babysitter, be sure to post it on your refrigerator or bulletin board for reference: Babysitting Rules For Our House Cell Phone: Please limit cell phone use to emergencies-only while children are awake; accidents can happen during momentary distractions. You are more than welcome to use your phone once the children are in bed and asleep. Photos & Videos: We love when our sitters send us photos of our children while we’re gone! However, please do not post or tag photos or videos of our children on social media without our permission, for safety reasons. Social Media: We use social media too, but please do not use social media while the children are around. Also, please do not announce that you are babysitting on social media, and please turn o昀昀 your location services if you post to social media while you are here. We want to keep everyone safe while we’re gone. Internet: You are welcome to use __________ device(s) while you’re here, our Wi-Fi password is ______________. Screen Time: Please limit ______________’s screen time to __________. This includes TV, tablet, computer, cell phone, gaming system. Please monitor screen time to ensure that the digital media _____________ is consuming is family- oriented content (no sex, violence or graphic language). Facetime/Skype: Please do not make or take video calls while in our home, we’d rather not have the inside of our home on display, nor do we want our children exposed to strangers. 18

Our Family Media Contract Tablet Computer/Laptop Phone Video Game Console You Agree To: Only watch videos/visit websites that my parents approve. Not download anything without permission 昀椀rst. Only spend ____ minutes on the tablet/phone/computer/game each day. I can use the devices between the hours of ________________ only. Tell a parent if I see something that makes me feel uncomfortable. ______________ rooms are o昀昀-limits for using any device. Ask permission before purchasing anything online. All devices should charge overnight in _______________. I promise not to use any devices during breakfast, lunch or dinner. I won’t let screen time distract me from homework and my favorite hobbies, like _______________________. Not share any personal information or photos without approval. We Agree To: Watch along with my child & interact while they view videos and apps. Keep family meals unplugged. Be a good digital citizen and teach my kids to do the same. Won’t text and drive. Review privacy settings with the family. Keep all device passwords. Turn o昀昀 all screens _____________ minutes before bedtime. _________________________ _________________________ _________________________ _________________________ (Parent/Guardian Signature) _________________________ _________________________ (Child Signature) 19

Chapter II Tween: Ages 9 - 12 Nearly 46% of U.S. Tweens aged 8-12 have a cell phone. 20

chapter 2.1 Digital Citizenship Welcome to the world of digital citizenship. As a parent, this can be daunting, overwhelming... downright scary. Nevertheless, there ARE resources at your fingertips. Digital Citizenship: norms of appropriate, responsible behavior with regard to technology use. What does it mean to be a good digital citizen? It means simply to think before you post. Before You Post T Is it True? H Is it Hurtful? I Is it Illegal? N Is it Necessary? K Is it Kind? 21

chapter 2.2 Manners Matter Let’s be honest—if we took just a second to ask ourselves the question—“should I really post this?”— many of our tweets, Instagrams, snaps or Facebook pictures just might never leave our phone. Much of social media etiquette is really about taking that extra moment to ask ourselves three ques- tions: 1) is this the right time and place to be focused on my social media? 2) how would I feel if some- one posted this about me? And 3) what would my teachers, parents, or co-workers think of me if they saw this post? Social Media Conduct for Kids in 11 Easy Steps 1. Your online presence is an extension of you. Don’t be a fraud, a follower, or thirsty. 2. To whom much is given, much is required. Our expectations of your conduct do not change just because you’ve graduated into the virtual world. 3. There are frauds...like, everywhere. Everything that you see isn’t what it seems, and ev- eryone that you’re connected with doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Quality over quantity. 4. Words do hurt. Think twice. Taste your words before you feed them to someone else. 5. Pictures tell more than 140 characters. Be mindful in what you post and intentional about the message that you want to send. 6. You can in昀氀uence how someone thinks. So use it for good as you become great, and be an inspiration for others to realize the same. 7. Someone is watching you. A friend. A hater. A potential employer or opportunity creator. A troll. Your mother. Your father. Your godmother. Your sibling, grandparents, aunts, un- cles, cousins, etc. We are watching you. 8. The internet and everything that you post on it is a time capsule. When you post, don’t just think about the now, deeply consider your future. 9. Less is more. The less they see (your body, your daily moves, etc.) and know, the more you give them to think about and stay tuned to. 10. You’re more valuable than a like or a rating. Figure out what you’re on social media for and then drive in your lane. And if you swerve, trust that we’ll be right there to help you get on track. We will always have your back. 11. No connection will ever be quite as powerful as face to face, hand to hand, eye to eye. There’s nothing quite like experiencing YOU in person. Social media is convenient to this world, but you are a gift. 22

chapter 2.3 First Time Phone Users You’ve decided its time. Time for your When are the quiet hours when texting, child to venture boldly into the world of posting and phone calls are o昀昀-limits? cell phones. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s helpful. There is no end to the madness you feel as Who should be added to the contacts list a parent each day and this is a big step. One of the most important things a fam- Do’s & Dont’s of texting ily with a new phone user can do is clue Pictures – Who/What should be in them them in to how they should use it. Besides reviewing the features of their new phone, Which rooms are o昀昀-limits for phone use? take some time to talk about what the ground rules are. The average age now for getting a 昀椀rst phone is 10.3 years old. http://in昀氀uence-central.com/kids-tech-the-evolution-of-todays-digital-natives/ 23

6 Things To Consider When Purchasing Your Kid’s First Perhaps the hardest technological decision parents will make Cell Phone is when to purchase their child a smartphone. You likely see periodic calls for help from your friends on social media, asking what age everyone let their children have a cell phone. It’s a common question. Only YOU can accurately gauge when your child is ready for their own smartphone. 1. Pair with your partner Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to issuing your kiddo a smartphone. A united front will go a long way with enforcing phone rules. 2. Age is but a number You are the best gauge of your child’s ability to handle the responsibility of phone ownership. If you have a child who doesn’t yet understand the value of a smartphone, is often misplacing and losing items, or is too young to take care of his things, you may want to wait a little before making a smart- phone purchase for him. Tip: If you feel strongly about your child’s need for a phone, purchase an inexpensive cell phone for emergency use, and have him work his way up from there. 3. Peer factor If your child is telling you their friends have smartphones, do some investigative work. Ask some of your child’s friends parents if they have phones to gauge how many do indeed have their own smartphones. While you’re asking, also ask how they are monitoring usage, and what ground rules they’ve put into place. 4. Need or desire? Gauge if there really is a need for a smartphone or if your child’s request is out of a desire to be like his friends. If your child is involved in after school activities, or goes to after school care, you may see a need for you to be able to contact your child directly with a smartphone, or simply use the tracking feature on your child’s phone to check his whereabouts. 5. Set Internet rules If you’re comfortable with your child frequenting social media sites, open the lines of communica- tion so they’ll feel comfortable enough to notify you of any threatening situations. Most importantly, establish basic rules about behavior online and on social media. 6. Sign a contract Weight your words by drafting a contract outlining the rules for smartphone conduct, and put the consequences to those rules into writing. Having a contract with your child holds both of you ac- countable; if your child breaks a smartphone rule, they know the repercussions and you know the consequence to dole out. Tip: Check out our printable Cell Phone Contract at the end of this section. 24

chapter 2.4 Engage With Them. Use their internet time as Staying Connected “shared” time – read along with them, watch their favorite YouTuber or face swap in Snapchat. Understanding your own role with technology is Share Content. Found a funny gif? Share it. Did crucial to becoming a successful digital parent. you see a trending recipe video on Facebook that For instance, are you a “Limiter”, an “Enabler”, or a you just have to try? Show them. “Mentor”? Digital Enablers: whose kids have plenty of Do Your Homework. The best way to learn new screen time and access to devices. Almost apps is to try them out yourself. half the parents of teens adopt this approach: Research Everything. Since information is at your They’ve given in to their kids’ expertise and 昀椀ngertips, it only takes seconds to 昀椀gure out what allow them to set the family’s tech agenda. that new emoji means or how to direct message Digital Limiters: by contrast, focus on someone on Instagram. The more you learn, the minimizing their kids’ use of technology. Nearly better equipped you’ll be to answer questions half of parents of preschoolers take the limiting and understand challenges. approach. Digital Mentors: instead take an active role in Chances are, you won’t have all the answers. guiding their kids onto the Internet. They not only But if you engage with your child and let make up a third of parents overall, but a little them know you’re present; you can tackle more than a third of parents in each age range. anything together. chapter 2.5 Practice What You Preach Kids are great imitators. They learn by regurgitating what they see from their peers, family members and everything surrounding them. That can be amazing, but also holds you, as a parent, to a higher standard. Whether they realize it consciously or not, they are learning social cues from you that will a昀昀ect their thought processes as an adult and shape their lives. As a distracted parent, you’re not giving your total focus to what’s in front of you. It’s a fast-paced world and something is constantly vying for your attention. Here are a couple “Do’s & Don’ts” to help you: DON’T be a hypocrite. If you set house rules, DO make eye contact. If your child is talking to make sure you follow them too. you, put down your device and connect with them. DON’T overshare. When you do use social media, be mindful of what’s “cringe-worthy” DO embrace a device-free dinner. Everyone, and ultimately, embarrassing for you AND including yourself, should drop the phone into a your kids. basket and enjoy a family meal together. DON’T text and drive. I can’t stress this DO unplug. It’s hard to do, but remember the old enough. Besides the danger involved (and adage… “how time 昀氀ies.” You won’t remember illegality), it also shows your kids that it’s that work email that came through, but your kids okay for them to break the rules too. will cherish your undivided attention. 25

chapter 2.6 Cyberbullying As we all know, cyber bullying can be dangerous. Being mocked online can be particularly hurtful to a child, who may feel as if there is no escape from the ridicule. How can you tell if your child is being cyber bullied? A change in your child’s habits when they are online, such as spending much less time on his phone or depressed, angry or disruptive moods may be a clue. Take Action Against Cyberbullying In 9 Steps 1 Start By Talking 5 Recruit Online Friends Your child most likely will not feel comfort- Does your child have peers online who “have able and your questions may feel like an his back” should he get into an argument? interrogation. Instead, encourage them Does he have friends he looks up to online to discuss their feelings by talking about that engage with him? your own online experiences, weaving in the good and the bad. Or, recruit one of U his peers or someone he looks up to for this 6 conversation. * Protect Your Child O昀툀ine 2 It’s important to know if your child en- Teach Your Child Online Etiquette gages with the bully o昀툀ine. Is this one One of the best ways to prevent cyber bullying of his classmates? Is it someone he met is to make sure that kids know what it is and at an extracurricular activity? If so, your what it looks like. Your child should understand child may also be experiencing bullying in what is and isn’t appropriate to say and do the real world and you can address that online, and that social media has rules too. through the proper authorities (school W administration, team captain, etc.).

8 Report And Document Misconduct 9 Get Your Child Actively Engaged O昀툀ine Rule violations can be reported to the If a bullied child is alone and friendless social medium, web host or online system. there is potential for him to experience Threats of physical harm, however, should depression and harmful behaviors. Help be reported to the police. Be sure to keep him to foster a hobby that he likes and can screen shots of all comments and images, share with others, such martial arts, pho- especially those that are inappropriate, tography or hiking. Finding positive friend- threatening or profane. ships will provide him the support he needs to promote healthy self-esteem. 7 º 27

chapter 2.7 Sexting With the rise in smartphone and internet usage by children, the landscape of online predation has changed drastically. It’s no longer solely a matter of protecting kids from pornography, it’s now become an issue of kids sharing explicit photos and videos at their own will and then being exploited by predators. Social media and the access of a camera phone (with location data) is making it easier than ever for sexual predators and cyberbullies to target kids through what experts are calling “sextortion”. Kids are being conned into taking photos, thinking it’s a relatively innocent ex- change, and then being forced to continue through manipulation and blackmail. The rise in sex extortion is also enhanced by kids sharing more information about themselves on social media sites than they did in the past. The idea of your teenage son or daughter sending or receiving a sext is enough to send most parents into a panic. It’s easy to think, “my teen would never do that!” But in reali- ty, teen sexting is much more common than some may believe. According to the National Campaign to Pre- vent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy survey, 20% of teens have sent or posted nude pho- tos or videos of themselves. 22% of teen girls · 18% of teen boys · 11% of young teen girls · (between ages 13 - 16) And 39% of all teens have sent or posted messages that are sexual in nature. 37% of teen girls · 40% of teen boys · 48% of teens have received · sexual messages While the majority of teens participating in sexting have sent such messages to a girlfriend or boyfriend (71% of girls, 67% of boys), 15% of teens who have sent or posted suggestive images online said they shared them with someone they only knew online. 28

chapter 2.8 Tackling “The Conversation” Ask What They Think: Before jumping into a conversation about what you think about sexting, ask them if they’ve heard of it and what they think about it. Tip: Use empathy in your response before you jump to the cautionary lecture. Saying something like “wow, that sounds like somebody’s feelings could get hurt. What happens if someone else sees it?” “I’ll bet it would feel really humiliating if someone sent something very private about you to someone else.” Create an Open Door: Sadly, there are many examples in media where images and videos went viral only to ruin a career, a relationship, or a reputation. These are great stories to talk about with your teen. Tip: Wonder out loud with them about what would possess someone to take a picture of their private parts and send it. Stay Connected and Develop a Village: Schools often discuss the problem of sexting as a problem of bullying. Avail yourself of any parent meetings around these subjects and take the information home to discuss. This is a great time to reach out and talk to other parents about using social media wisely. Help them Create Boundaries: When they approach puberty, we talk about changes in their body, relationships, and sexuality—learning about risk and how to avoid it. Have Small Conversations: Frequent conversations in small doses are far more e昀昀ective that just one long, boring and threatening lecture about not sexting and staying safe on the internet. It is important to weave in the ideals of respect and consideration—for themselves and for others. There is nothing respectful about sexting. And nothing private about it either. Rules & Laws: What You Should Know There are no speci昀椀c sexting laws in most states, though a few that have recently passed legislation related to creating, sending and distributing sexually explicit photos of minors via text message/cell phone. Both minors and adults can be charged under the individual state’s child pornography laws, with potential jail time and lifetime sex o昀昀ender registration possible. Additionally, distribution of explicit photos can carry federal sentences for o昀昀enders, on top of a mandated state sentence. There are few criminal laws speci昀椀cally about sexting. Typically, issues arise around the child por- nography laws. Federal law states that any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor is · child pornography. Images of child pornography are also considered child sexual abuse. · The age of consent for sexual activity in a state is irrelevant. · A 昀椀rst-time o昀昀ender can face 昀椀nes and a minimum of 15 years · (or a maximum of 30 years) in prison. An o昀昀ender can also be prosecuted under speci昀椀c state child pornography laws, · in addition to federal. 29

Congrats On Getting Your First Cell Phone! It’s a great tool for communication, but it does come with great responsibility. Our rules for using this phone are below: Phone Number: _______________ Phone Password: ________________ You Agree To: Only add contacts of friends and family members. Mom & Dad’s number should also be saved as ICE contacts. (In Case of Emergency) This phone is only to be used for _______________, _______________, and ______________. Not download/use any apps without permission 昀椀rst. Use the phone between the hours of _________ and ___________ only. ________________________ rooms are o昀昀-limits for using my phone. Ask permission before purchasing anything online. Charge overnight in _______________. Not use during breakfast, lunch or dinner. Not share any personal information or photos of myself or others without approval. Use your best judgment when giving out this phone number. Turn o昀昀 location tagging when posting to social media & will only “check-in” to places if accompanied by a trusted adult. Take care of this phone by keeping it clean and safe. We Agree To: Purchase a case and screen protector for the phone. Review all privacy settings for phone and any app accounts downloaded on it. Keep the phone password. Set an example by not texting and driving. Teach good phone etiquette and lead by example. _________________________ ___________________________ _________________________ ___________________________ (Parent/Guardian Signature) (Child Signature) 30

92% of teens go online daily including 24% of teens go online “almost constantly” Chapter III Teen: Ages 13+ 31

chapter 3.1 Let’s Get Social Social media consumes teenagers. It’s where all their conversations happen, where “life” happens for many of them. If they’re not sharing photos, witty tweets or funny snaps – did it even happen? The answer, we know, is YES. Once something is posted, it leaves a digital footprint. One that can never be fully erased. To guard your teen from mishaps and mis- takes, it’s best to 昀椀rst understand which platforms they’re actually using and how they work. Here’s an overview of the most popular social networking sites: http://elearninginfographics.com/teens-media-years-infographic/ 32

chapter 3.2 Generation App If social networking sites alone weren’t enough to learn, there are thousands of apps available via iTunes and Google Play that are calling your teen’s name. Here’s a snapshot of the most popular apps you need to know. 33

chapter 3.3 Avoiding Digital Drama One thing that’s 100% unavoidable when talking about teenagers is drama. The best we can do is raise trustworthy, prudent children and encourage them to make rational decisions. But even the best of kids can be pulled into drama. Then what? Have An Open-Door Policy. Beyond just being interested and invested in their daily lives, make it known that talking to you is a safe space and that your door is always open. Don’t Be Quick To Judge. Or over-emotional at all for that matter. If you’re quick to anger because of a nasty comment made to your child, it will take your rational thinking out of the equation. Listen. You may pick up nuances of the situation that your child did not. This could lead to insight on why this situation occurred and how best to resolve it. Make An In-Action Plan. Don’t add 昀椀re to a 昀氀ame. Drama is just that, d-r- a-m-a. Teach your child to rise above and she’ll learn a life lesson that will bene昀椀t her for life. Unplug. Taking a vacation from social media is the best medicine for drama. Like news cycles, drama has a life cycle of its own. Eventually, things blow over and drama moves on to the next piece of gossip. 34

chapter 3.4 Building An X-Plan We’ve all had those moments. Uncomfortable. Why This Is Good For Kids Awkward. A pit of dread in your stomach. You’re Yes, saving face is important when you’re a in a situation that you’d rather not be in. Can’t I tween or teen. But also, knowing that you’re wish myself away from this? Now – imagine that mature enough to read the situation and ask you’re 14 years old. Consider for a moment how for help is a big deal. Not just for your own utterly embarrassed, trapped and confused you safety, but also in your parent’s eyes. Their may feel. number one job is to make sure you’re safe. Roots Of The X-Plan Because this plan only requires you to text As a kid, unpopularity sounds like THE WORST one letter, you can do it quickly & without thing that could possibly happen to you. But peers noticing. Plus, it’s easy to remember. what if there were a way to exit a scenario with- out losing face? Why This Is Good For Parents That’s what Bert Fulks, author of the now famed Peace of mind. Open communication. Build- “X-Plan” came up with for his family. For those ing of trust. The list goes on and on. What sticky situations that arise, all Bert’s son had to goes along with this plan, though, is the un- do was text an “X” to a member of his family and written rule that parents should not grill their they’d call with a “family emergency.” child about why they used the “X-Plan” in a given situation. This is a way for kids to quickly and safely leave a situation without looking like a “dweeb”, “loser” In order to keep the communication open or “narc” and thus, committing social suicide. and truly two-way, kids need to know there Beyond the vanity of looking uncool among is no judgement or repercussions. Let them peers, the X-Plan also o昀昀ers another bene昀椀t: know they can share as much – or as little – trust between child and parents. as they want about why they used the plan. How To Build Your X-Plan Talk To Your Child. Let them know an X-Plan is for their bene昀椀t and is judgement-free. Di昀昀erentiate Between Emergencies. Make it clear that if your child is in danger, they should call 911. This is a good conversation starter for what is and isn’t an emergency. Encourage Honesty. Your child may be wary to try this at 昀椀rst. Subtle reminders that this plan is a tool they can use will encourage them to be honest about the situations they face every day. Loop In The Family. Everyone in the family should be aware of the X-Plan, especially if there are older siblings that will be responsible for the extraction. Decide What Works For You. If an “X” is not easiest for your family to remember or use, try an emoji. Just remember to pick something that’s not obvious to strangers & easy to text. Plan The Excuse. Is it a family emergency? Is it a forgotten chore? Decide on what the extraction excuse will be and make sure everyone understands. 35

chapter 3.5 Tech Addiction Addiction is real and to be taken very seriously. We all know this and as responsible involved parents, we’ve likely had discussions with our teens regarding addiction to drugs or alcohol. How many of us have had the conversations with our teens about addiction to technology? How many of us, as parents, struggle with a similar addiction? Some signs of addiction include: excessive use, emotional or physical di昀케culty being away from the “substance” and relationship problems. According To A Recent Study By Common Sense Media, 50% Of Teens Feel Addicted To Their Devices. Set An Example Engage Your Teen In Conversation If you’re telling your teen you’re Attempt to combat the e昀昀ects of over- concerned by the amount of time exposure to technology by engaging he/she spends on screens, then them in thoughtful conversation. Ask try putting yours down more too. what they’re reading online or listening Increased awareness of screen to and translate it to a real-life interac- time in general will be bene昀椀cial tion. for the family dynamics. H ' Establish Boundaries Educate Remember your teen is still develop- Help your teen understand the risks and ing and setting limits for themselves potential harm overexposure to technol- may be something they struggle with. ogy can have. Our environment in昀氀u- Boundaries are important and nec- ences, our development, and our teen’s essary for most people. Establish “no environments are primarily technology technology zones” in the house (i.e., driven, this begs the question of what dinner time, between the hours of 4-6 impact that could be having, both cog- pm, an hour before bed, etc.) nitively and socially. v ; 36

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Social Media Contract For Tweens & Teens Social media is a fun way to stay connected with friends and family. We want you to be safe and have fun while using it, so please see the ground rules. Social Media Sites Allowed: __________________________________________ Passwords: _____________________________________________________ You Agree To: Only use social media sites/apps that are approved. Use social media between the hours of __________ and ___________ only. ________________________ rooms are o昀昀-limits for using my device & social media use. Ask permission before purchasing anything online. Charge my device overnight in _______________. Not use my device during breakfast, lunch or dinner. Not share any personal information without approval. Not share photos of myself or others that I wouldn’t want the world to see. Be kind when interacting online. Cyberbullying is strictly forbidden. Tell us if you feel uncomfortable by anything you see online. Use your best judgment when accepting friend requests, group chats or direct messages. Turn o昀昀 location tagging when posting to social media (unless approved) & will only “check-in” to places if accompanied by a trusted adult. Take care of my devices by keeping it clean and safe. We Agree To: Purchase a case and screen protector for the devices, if needed. Review all privacy settings for social media sites/app accounts. Review & research all social media sites/apps before approval. Keep all passwords. Teach good social media etiquette and lead by example. ________________________ ________________________ ________________________ ________________________ (Parent/Guardian Signature) (Teen Signature) 38

chapter 4 Parent Checklist Now that you’re armed with information about parenting in the digital age, it’s time to put it to good use! Don’t worry if you’re feeling overwhelmed, we’ve put together a checklist for imple- menting a safe digital media plan at home. Familiarize yourself with the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations for screen · time by age: •

Draft a Social Media Contract to further de昀椀ne expectations and implement conse- · quences Devise your Babysitter Media Checklist · Model the digital behavior you expect from your children · • Are you setting media-free times for personal/family connection? • Are you using Internet best practices to protect your family & to protect yourself from identity theft? • Are you keeping track of your own digital media usage? Be consistent · • Enforce consequences to rule breaks • Try to keep allotted media use times consistent (ie. 6-9pm) Monitor digital media use · • Know what apps your child has downloaded and is using • Know what sites your child is visiting • Know who your child is interacting with online Learn everything · • Research the latest app trends among teens • Stay on top of the latest messaging apps; know what they do and how they do it Communicate with your child · • Regularly check in with your child to 昀椀nd out what’s going on in their online life • Establish an open door policy to make it easier for your child to come to you • Listen - put down your device, turn o昀昀 the television and actively listen when your child is speaking to you 40

Thank You, Parents For Joining Us On This Digital Journey Find more resources to guide your family’s journey through the connected world at our Parent Portal: www.wezift.com/parent-portal/ You’ll discover helpful tips on apps, reviews and words of advice from other parents and industry leaders, all to help you navigate your family through the digital world. 41