iv TABLE OF AUTHORITIES—Continued Page Mackenzie Weinger, Congressman links to On- ion story, Politico, Feb. 6, 2012, https://politi.co/ 3RJFa6B .................................................................. 10 Mar-a-Lago Assistant Manager Wondering if Anyone Coming to Collect Nuclear Briefcase from Lost and Found, The Onion, Mar. 27, 2017, https://bit.ly/3S40xiP ....................................... 2 Mark Twain, How to Tell a Story (1895), https://bit.ly/3UDr3Si ............................................. 16 Online Etymology Dictionary, https://bit.ly/ 3E0WzUB (last updated Oct. 13, 2021) ................... 5 Oxford English Dictionary Online (3d ed. 2005) ......... 5 Supreme Court Rules Supreme Court Rules, The Onion, Jan. 22, 1997, https://bit.ly/3UcdWHG ......... 7